Category: Marraige

Patience for the Blended Family Wife

In the world of today in which we live NOW is the norm not Patience.

We want the pain of yesterday gone; Thinking  we have all the answers because we have already been married once. Dreaming of normal and working hard to achieve a Pinterest-perfect life. Filling our calendars with our kid’s activities. Most nights spent on the go with everyone in different directions. Fast food, movie downloads, and texting are what we do.

So Patience, I am afraid may no longer be a virtue.

 

We are no different here in Harris Life. Busy with the day to day. Eating out way too much because we do not leave enough time to cook at the house. When life gets busy, we look for the easiest way out. It seems the same holds true in a blended family life. Did you know the norm for a successful stepfamily to blend? It can take seven to ten years! Wow, that was never in my original plan.

I like you want overnight success!

 

I grew up in a blended family that was NOT a Smart Step Family. Over the course of time, I saw it all. 

 

Without the blended family skills to cope, they saw no way out.

Both sets of parents were headed for more divorce. For a time that is, they let a season pass and tried again. In each parent’s defense, we were not an easy crowd. Seven kids mixed between four parents. Different rules, expectations, and sets of standards. A recipe for disaster.

 

Today, three decades later, we are a successful blended family. Both sets of parents are still married after long separations and lots of therapy. My stepbrothers are as important to me as my blood siblings and my half-brother joins each family gathering. My mom and stepdad treat him as thier own. All four parents celebrate special times together, weddings and graduations not a problem. They have even traveled to Colorado to visit my brother together!

 

Thirty years later we can look back and say PATIENCE and PERSEVERANCE are the only way.

 

I am so overwhelmed by the statistics of blended family marriages. The divorce rate is at 45%. Yet, the blended family divorce rate is around 67% and 73% for third marriages. This info taken from TheSmartStepfamily.com. Visit Ron Deals site The Smart Step Family as soon as you can. The man is a gift to all us in a blended family. His series of books and group study have led the Mr. and me in the right direction on more than one occasion.

 

In the end, I only know of one way to blend a family, and that is the way God intended.

 

So onward we fight and forward we march to keep the world at bay. Love like Christ and showing patience along the way.

 

Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. James 5:7

 

Patience in the PROCESS of blending.

Patience in forgiving,

in moving forward,

in growing.

 

Patience is not a NOW deal. It is a forever deal.

 

Patience is a slow down and crawl, not run deal.

Patience is working hard at recognizing what is ahead won’t be perfect.

Blending a family is hard and comes with challenges and a fight.

 

The crop will not yield right away. In the end, with enough support along the way, the barren land will be abundant with fruits and grain.

 

It means taking the time to learn more and find tools to grow your family.

Not looking the other way until all is lost.

Conferences, books, and group studies are a start.

 

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 19:11

 

Patience is slowing down with parenting each other’s kids.

Teaching one another through the word and not the ways of the world.

Our lives are full of advice. The internet flooded with worldly ways to “fix” us.

 

Learning to use the God-breathed version will send you in the right direction.

 

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.

Timothy 4:1-3

 

My passion is YOU….Blended family women. My prayer is that we can change the statistics. That in time and numbers we can take all we have and turn it into MORE for the next generation. Our kids will not end up in divorce. We can break the chain of the world and put PATIENCE back into our marriage and lives.